Do you have a social group of friends? Close family? Acquaintances? Work colleagues?
I think we all have people we see regularly and people we get on with, people who we like and want to spend time with. I know i definitely do and we spend time with them because we like them, they’re fun, they’re adventurous, they’re gorgeous, they’re kind. All sorts of reasons really. But do you ever look at them with envy?
I’m not talking the green eyed monster, or to the point where you resent them!! I mean really admiring their qualities and wishing you could emulate them, just a little….
The envy of NO
Mine for example is saying NO! I find it really difficult and always feel that if I can muster up the courage to say ‘NO’ then I need to follow it with an explanation. Halfway through the explanation I start to doubt myself, panic that I’m either being a horrible friend, that the explanation sounds rubbish, that I’m being judged or that I sound like an idiot. On the rare occasion I stay firm on the ‘NO’, I spend so much time worry about the consequences of the ‘NO’ and exhaust myself with the imaginary scenario’s I’m creating, it would have been easier to just say ‘YES’!
But that’s very rare, usually I give up halfway through my explanation, agree to the request, stress about how I’m going to fit it into my already hectic schedule, over stretch myself and burn out. To be completely honest, I lose out either way….
Yet, I have a friend who is excellent at saying NO. she says it with politeness and confidence and conviction. She doesn’t feel the need to explain, she just gracefully moves on to the next topic of conversation and doesn’t look back.
How I wish I could do the same. To watch her in action is something quite spectacular, I admire her ability to own the NO. The way she deflects any questioning of the NO, she doesn’t panic or over think it, she just simply replies. Sometimes with an “I’m sorry I can’t” some times no apology at all. She reads the situation and responds brilliantly. I’m not going to lie, I’ve tried to emulate her, but I just son’t have the confidence or carefreeness (definitely a word!) that’s required.
Do you know what though, that’s ok. I once told her how much I admired her and she looked at me surprised, she didn’t believe me at all. Because to her, I had it all together, I came across confident and collected and even had qualities that she envied!! It was my turn to be surprised! I’d spent so long looking at my negatives and down falls and comparing them to others, I’d forgotten about my positives!
Envy of Others!
It never occurred to me that the picture I portrayed to others (the smile we all paint on daily, the calm we pretend to be when really life has gone to pot!) actually gave them envy. Or all the points about myself I had seen as negatives, other saw as something to envy! My unruly hair, my quick temper, loud voice, sarcastic sense of humour… all things I’d change in a heartbeat, others would snap up in one.
It’s a question of perspective and self love! I hate that term, it sounds far too touchy feely, but in this instance it’s needed!! Just because you can’t see the positive in yourself, I guarantee others can. When you sit there thinking of all the things you’re not and all the things you wish you were, others are sat there wishing they could be more like you!!
I know it sounds crazy, but it’s TRUE!!
My friend taught me that, I still envy her ability to say NO (and her amazing hair!!) but I also know that she wishes she had a little of me. It took a little while to get my head around, but when I did, it felt pretty good. I’m not saying to stop trying to better yourself, or to stop envying others, but every so often, stop and take a look at yourself.
You’re not all bad, in fact you’re pretty alright and to someone you’re absolutely amazing! Just don’t let them be the only ones that see it. Love yourself a little and let others love you a lot!